Response

Domestic Violence is the use of verbal, physical, emotional, economic, and/or sexual abuse by a spouse, co-parent, partner, or ex-partner to gain power and maintain control over another individual.

• Not usually a single incident; it is a pattern of behavior.

• Domestic violence most often escalates.

“The most important thing you can do is to listen without judging, respect her decisions, and help her to find ways to become stronger and safer.” (or him)

                                                                 - Domestic Violence Resource Center

10 Helpful Things to Do or Say

1.  Open the communication.

• “Are you ever afraid of __________’s temper?" 

2.  Understand the Issue.

• “It’s not your fault.” “I know that it is not easy to be in your situation.”

• Walk in their shoes. Truly comprehend why they might stay and make

               an effort to understand the cycle.

3. Show concern.

• “I am afraid for you (and your children’s) safety.”

4. Acknowledge the danger.

• “I am afraid that the abuse will continue and escalate.”

5. Commit to being supportive.

• “I will always be here for you.”

6. Listen.

• “If you ever need to talk, I promise to listen.”

7. Observe.

• Make honest but non-judgmental observations

              about changes in them.

•  “I’m worried about you.”

8. Value Them, Encourage Them, and Compliment Them.

• “You do not deserve to be abused.” “You have options.”

• “You are smart, capable, well-liked, brave, and a good parent.”
•  Counter the toll that the abuse is taking on their self-esteem. Fill the holes. Build confidence.

9. Offer to Help. Maintain Communication. Know the Resources and Services.

•  Help in ways that you can, with clear and fair boundaries, that will not make you resentful (i.e. financial help, baby-sitting, transportation, lodging, whatever is comfortable for you).
• The best support is being there – stay in touch. Refer when appropriate.

10. Ask Questions.

• Focus on their feelings. Try not to give advice. Don’t press for decisions.  i.e.: 
• “How did that make you feel?”
•  “What would help you?”
• “What do you need?”
• “What would you like me to do?”

If You Witness the Abuse

• Call the police.

• Domestic Violence is not a “private matter”. It is a crime.

• If you witness child abuse call child protection services at 429-2040.

• Get the victim to a safe place away from the abuse.

• Separate the parties to deescalate the situation (but do not compromise your own safety).

• Save evidence.

•  Take photographs. Write a statement of what you saw and heard. Don’t clean up.

• Get support for yourself.

• Keep in mind that you are a secondary victim (and may need to seek support for what you have witnessed).
• Find someone to talk to.

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